Love Potion No9
by DiscombobulatedDrummer
Summary: Remus decides that this is the only way to get a girl. Who does he kiss by mistake? This is goes by the song, Love Potion No.9. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter nor "Love Potion No.9." It's a song people from back in the day.

**Author's notes:** This little one shot popped into my brain when I heard the song, "Love Potion No.9." I thought it would be quite funny to have Remus be the one to buy it. I want to give out a BIG thank you to Mamacita-san as my beta for this! (BIG HUG) In some parts you can tell that I did use some lyrics for it.

**DD**

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Remus traveled down the pebble road. He sighed as he came up to Madam Rue's Store of Potions. He knew this was his only shot. He wasn't talented like Sirius, who had women crawling up to him. And he didn't have a body like James'. 

A little bell rang as Remus entered the building. He cringed when Madam Rue yelled his name.

"How did you--?" Remus asked, then shrugged and sat down in front of her.

"What is wrong, Remus?" she asked with an expression of curiosity on her face.

He mumbled as he answered, "I'm--er--I have a slight...problem...with...chicks." She smiled as he continued. "Yeah, I've had this problem since 1956. I wasn't even born yet! Not even thought of!"

"Remus, calm down," she replied as she took his left hand. He watched her caress the marks on his palm.

"What are you doing?" he asked. She closed his hand and threw her arms in the air, which made Remus jump out of his chair. She made a heart shape signal and smiled at him.

"What you need is...Love Potion Number 9," she answered.

"What happened to numbers one through eight! I don't know about this," he said, edging nervously back toward the door.

She bent over and turned to look at Remus. He gulped when she gave him a wink.

"_Is this woman flirting with me_?" he thought uneasily, and he opened the door a little.

"Just for you, I'm going to make it up right here in the sink," she replied, gathering all the ingredients.

His curiosity piqued, he closed the door. "Is that a good thing?" he asked. "_I'd better humor her_," he thought.

Remus scrunched up his face as the smell of the potion made its way up his nose. It smelled like turpentine. Madam Rue handed him a glass phial. He looked at her warily, then held his nose and took a drink. The room started to spin, and he grabbed her shoulders for support. In a moment the spinning sensation stopped and a warm, fuzzy feeling filled his body.

A wide grin spread across his face. He hugged her, then unexpectedly kissed her on the lips.

"THANK YOU!" he yelled giddily. He capped the bottle and ran out of the building. He kept on running until he saw someone standing at the corner of Thirty-Fourth and Vine. Before Remus even knew who it was, his lips were on theirs.

"LUPIN! GET YOUR CRUMMY SELF AWAY FROM ME!" Mad-Eye yelled as he pushed Remus away. Remus wiped his mouth and tried to spit away the germs.

"Mad-Eye, I'm sorry. I don't--it's this potion," Remus tried to explain.

"What potion?" Mad-Eye yelled.

Remus showed him the small phial. Mad-Eye's face grew angry and he headed towards Madam Rue's. Before he opened the door, Mad-Eye threw the potion onto the ground.

Remus stared, aghast, at the broken glass. "Why did you do that?"

"Because this woman here knows I stand at that corner during my lunch break every day, so she gives her customers this potion so they'll kiss me. This is the fifth time this month, Rue!" Mad-Eye exclaimed.

Rue just laughed as she watched Mad-Eye's face get even redder. "You know you like it!"

"NO, I don't actually...although Lupin's here wasn't too--HEY! You need to leave me alone, Rue," exclaimed Mad-Eye.

Remus, getting tired of the arguing, left and started walking down the street back to his home.

"_I can't believe I was used as a pun_," Remus thought.

"Hi," a woman said, wiggling her fingers and fluttering her eyelashes. He smiled, but before he could get out a decent "hello" she had knocked him to the ground and started kissing him. As he turned his head to get a breath of air, he saw a small bottle rolling away from her. On the label it said, "Love Potion No. 9."

"_Maybe this isn't so bad after all_," he thought, and he went in for another kiss.

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**Author's Ending Notes:** Please review! I hope you did get a little giggle out of it. Tell me if you did!  
**DD**


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